dressage

I had today the first dressage competitions with Chiko. Competitions went pretty well, but the judges said the pony was too nervous. Chiko is a young, inexperienced stallion, so he was a little restless, and he was not focused on but it's okay for me.

weak

I have a bad feeling mentally. During the day, I was happy, even though there was no reason to be happy. Now, I cry and I feel weak. But I'm sort of glad... 

Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire.  

i'll disappear

Today was a good day. I was happy, I went to school. I did two tests (geography and German) and I was pleased. I was with my friends, watched people and talked with them. I laughed a lot! I went jogging and I'm very happy. GOOD DAY!

But there is always something that could have done better. But I feel absolutely good.

numb again

I feel weird. I wonder my existence. What happens when we lose our self control? Will we be surrounded by the anxiety and despair? What if your feelings are so powerful, that you don't even understand them. Can you clarify them? I don't. I feel confused, I don't understand the purpose of things. Or really purpose of feelings. My feelings are changing every day more superficial. Emptiness has conquered my mind. Nevertheless, I feel. Something, sometimes.

Don't lose yourself.

thoughts

I love you.

I hate you.

And still, I need you.